I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize