we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
