I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
