I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
