you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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