Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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