apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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