I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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