It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
