drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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