Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
