you're like a bully in the Christmas story
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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