i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
