ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found your dick twin last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
