you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
