I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
