After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
