u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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