the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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