I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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