When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
God, I missed his penis.
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