taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
