i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
