Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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