i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
