he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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