I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize