have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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