So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
