why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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