How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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