His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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