Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
