Soap is not a condiment
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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