thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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