I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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