Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
