Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
