My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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