You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
