i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize