can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
