Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
