On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
