I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if only i could text you this smell
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize