Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
