Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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