due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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