Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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