No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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