Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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