I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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