I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
