I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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