My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
