Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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