I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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