My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
