I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
