i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize