Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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