Will you blow on my dice?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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