we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize