i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
