Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
