I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
