Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
