Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
