you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
