The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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