I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
