Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
