im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
