A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
