he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
