He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
