I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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