Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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