really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
