I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
