The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
