dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
