I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
