I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
