Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
