Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize