**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
