Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
