I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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