Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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