so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
