he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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