So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
