You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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