I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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