I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
