I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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