Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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