I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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